Recovering From Suicidal Ideation - Thursday, November 7, 2024

It's a bit ironic that only a few weeks after my first suicide attempt, my suicidal ideation drastically decreased. No doubt a confluence of factors caused it (Wellbutrin being one of them), but I also thank the smaller things: the change in weather from Texas heat to fall coolness, my reinvigorated interest in goth music, Halloween coming and going, the end of the year approaching. No wonder I don't really want to die anymore.

Whether it be a side-effect or another contributor, I've also noticed an increase in hope. Of course, I still dread the future and fear strangers, but I also have a lot of hope for my life. Whether that hope is truly justified or not is another question. Many challenges and obstacles continue face me. I still question if I truly want to live past eighteen. But I'm still here, and I'm trying. This fall has been far better than last fall. I've improved; I've progressed. My biggest fear now though is that I'll lose it all again. Full circle.